Facing One’s Flaws…
Last week, I finished a two-day class on the 7 Habits for Managers (the FranklinCovey class). I’ve been down this path a few times having attended Leadership Forums a few times, reading through 7 Habits way back in college and the 8th Habit a few years ago. It’s all good stuff, but I entered the class a bit reticent that I wasn’t going to have any big a-has about myself having been through this material before. I was wrong.
Having poured through all this material on a couple of rounds over the past several years, understanding how Covey’s Habits stem from Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) that goes all the way back to the 1920s and even from being in Boy Scouts, I feel like I I have developed very strong, very natural leadership skills…. yet formal recognition of leadership (the “management” word) has often eluded me. What I realized over the last two days, both through the class and in a couple of situations just outside of the class, is this: being a natural leader is one thing; being a leader in an organization is another, and I don’t have the skill/talent to be in that role. I’m not shy about what my plans for my career *have been*, but this is an epiphany that I will be struggling to get comfortable with over the next weeks/months.
It started with a bit of humor my instructor (who knows me from work) employed where he referred to me as the “techie” guy. It got under my skin as it often does to be thought of as the “tech guy.” I’ve often wondered to myself “Why don’t they ever think of me as the Learning Strategy guy?” Right after this question popped up in my head, in class, I realized this was not the right question to be asking. So I asked myself a question so new to me I had to write it down:
*Why do I dislike the perception of me being the tech guy, and what am I doing that’s reinforcing that perception?*
Well, for one thing, I stick out as much as stand out. Leaders stand out from the crowd because of their work, their commitment to the team… I stand out because of those things too, but I call a lot of attention to myself. I mean, I can start with my look. I choose the nerdy glasses because their edgy. I like dressing with a bit of zing. I like recognition. I like sticking out. Organizational leaders don’t stand out because of anything they “do.” Organizational leaders stand out *despite* what they do. In order to stand out, I’m still trying to stand in front of others, and in an organization a leader isn’t out in front. They’re behind the scenes. They blend.
I fit in, but I doubt anyone would say that I blend. That’s a key difference.
Another, larger a-ha, came later. A casual friend of mine joined LinkedIn on Monday who’s looking to leave her 14-year career in teaching and take a chance on doing something, *anything* new. I’m coaching her through this because I’ve been in exactly that place, and I like helping friends out. As I accepted her request to connect, I looked at her profile and noticed another employee in my HR department that she’s connected to, but whom I know only in name. Well, last week I had the opportunity to meet this person, so I just introduced myself to her and immediately asked her how she knew our mutual friend.
What I failed to do was provide any context for why I would even be asking about this person. So, I probably came off as nerd, weirdo, freak or stalker — point is, I got so excited at the chance to solve this little mystery in my head that I forgot about manners.
So… I’m socially awkward. I do a good job of masking it in most social situations, but it’s situations like this where it starts to show up. Friends and coworkers probably find some of my awkwardness both amusing (or annoying) depending on how or when it manifests.
These idiosyncrasies are common among technical leaders in all areas, but not in areas like HR that deal in the people trades. And that’s where I think my communication issues are coming into play. In technical settings, I often felt like I was the nerd who could speak to the non-techies — but the exposure to non-technical people was pretty limited. Now, I’m in pretty limited company and surrounded almost entirely by non-technical people, whom I must interface with almost 100% of the time. It’s different.
People talk about moving up in organizations as “having to play the game,” and while that may be true, that’s not the challenge I face moving up in an organization. I can’t champion the needs or wants of my team if I’m stumbling over my own words or misrepresenting their end goals. In a more technical environment, maybe it’d be more than acceptable. In any organization, style matters as much as substance — and some of my personality traits just don’t play well when it comes to that kind of communication.
It’s probably made acceptable in peer-relationships because (I’d guess) I add enough value to the relationship where people are willing to look and listen past my rambling (and probably what comes across as moodiness). To consult my team, I shouldn’t have to change a thing — but as my circle of influence grows, so too does the population of people who just don’t know me and whom I don’t know. Those miscues are unacceptable in positions of organizational responsibility.
Everyone reading can learn from this, but this should hopefully resonate with other technology-prone people, peers and friends, who have struggled with opportunities to grow as a consultant, as a developer or as a designer. I don’t know that anyone could put their finger on this in a way that I would understand. My idiosyncrasies are not flaws, but they highlight the challenges I have in navigating non-technical waters.
No related posts.
This is my first time posting to your site, but I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to comment. By way of background, I’m an instructional designer who has developed programs for both the classroom and Web. I am an intermediate-level Flash programmmer who hasn’t had much opportunity to practice lately. And, currently, I am on a team that develops and implements leadership programs for a major insurance company.
My first point is that you are not alone. In your case, the distinction is between technology and non-technology. But in another organization it might just as easily be field vs. corporate, or line worker vs. front office, or sales vs. service. Reality is, we all have ways of thinking and speaking that are specific to the type of work we do (not to mention our background, culture, etc., etc.) — as we move up in an organization, we have to broaden our outlook and become better at dealing with diversity of all stripes: different workgroups, departments, business units, as well as people of all different racial and socio-economic backgrounds.
Second, I’d argue that leadership can be learned, just like any other skill. To be sure, people have innate abilities. There are “natural” leaders just like there are “natural” programmers. But even natural programmers don’t begin to code in C++ spontaneously. They have to learn the language.
So how do you learn leadership? For starters, I’d say that anyone seeking to become a better leader can’t do so without first becoming a better listener. As Mr. Covey would say: Seek first to understand, then be understood. Or, to use another cliche, “They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”
Unfortunately, too few of our leaders are really good listeners. Their communication skills are mostly “one way.” The leaders speak, the followers listen, or at least pretend to. If the speaker is good enough, the followers might even like what he or she says. Nothing wrong with a great speech. But the leader who does’t get beyond his or her speaking skills is a lot like the trainer who has great presentation skills but knows nothing about facilitation — he or she gets great Level Ones but no learning is transferred.
So practice your listening skills. If you want them to “look and listen past your ramblings”, then look and listen past theirs. Research suggests that the most influential tend to be the ones who are the best listeners, that is, the ones who make others feel valuable.
All right, off my soap box. Thanks for sharing. Believe me, I know where you’re coming from. And I applaud you for recognizing these “idiosyncrasies” early on. You wouldn’t believe how often it takes a formal 360 to really open up a manager’s eyes.
I’ve been pondering how to deal with this, because I can recognize in hindsight my “misses,” but I can’t translate that necessarily into changes. I was wondering if treating this like I’d be learning a foreign language might be appropriate, and your comment hits me that perhaps it’s not such a strange way to approach the issue.
To your point, my own manager suggested that I seek out others to look to as models, and you just made that point even stronger.
Thanks for sharing, and especially on a first post.
Hi Aaron.
I’ve been thinking about your comment about translating “misses” into changes. It occurred to me that perhaps one of the reasons I enjoy coding so much is that I generally get immediate feedback when I code — that is, the code works or it doesn’t. These misses are not always so obvious in other aspects of life.
Feedback, as we know, is absolutely critical to learning. So, to use your example, if you are learning a foreign language, you will learn faster by actually practicing it with real speakers — and gauging right away whether they understand you or not — versus repeating vocabulary words out loud in the privacy of your own home.
Well, OK, this isn’t exactly a revelation to someone in the training business. I think the trick in your case is to find some colleagues you trust who can give you candid feedback as you practice (I’d say “try on”) some of these new leadership skills and behaviors.
At the same time, you could also work on sharpening your own observation skills so that you can pick up those “tell tale” signs that people aren’t quite getting what you are communicating. Obviously you have been doing this as you reflect on events after the fact. What were the signs that suggested a communications “miss”? Next time, can you pick up on those signs earlier and then make a mid-course correction?
In your case, you can make some of those techie stereotypes work to your benefit. After all, most people expect techies to use jargon. In a lighthearted way, you can ask whomever you are speaking with to alert you whenever you lapse into “geekspeak.”
Finally, as I mentioned in the previous post, developing your ability to ask good open-ended and probing questions will really boost your communication skills. As techies, sometimes our tendency is to seek to isolate a problem as quickly as possible. I’d urge you, myself, anyone, to exercise patience and really seek to identify the root issue — which is typically not the problem or issue people bring you to you.
You’ll forgive me if I seem a bit simplistic or platitudinous. These changes are much easier said than done.
Good luck!
I stumbled upon your blog. There are some very interesting parallels with my own interests (common source data, learning standards, quality of the learning experience) and experience.
Concerning the management suitability question. I find myself in the same situation. I am in a management position, but find that I despise the concept of me being a manager. I’m a do’er, and simply can’t find the strength to let that go.
Here’s how I see it – metaphorically each job role you take on is a demon (developer, manager, salesman, trainer, mentor.) When you are possessed by one and you have the skills to rock it – you will kick ass. If you try to take on two and you are an intensely focused creative type, you will start to see slippage. If you try to take on all of the demons – these demons will completely consume you.
So.. I’ve been in this position. I never say no, I have learned to love (with fervor) any job that is thrown my way, and if I see something that needs to be done / fixed / done better I chase it until the problem is on the fixin path. And in doing so, I’ve made every single problem I’ve seen into my problem – I’ve allowed myself to be possessed by every demon in sight. That’s a lot of fun – I have to tell you. It is absolutely no way to be effective or successful. Savior complex = epic failure on so many levels.
Up until a few weeks ago I was resigned to carrying forward with this pattern. I’m spending the last of my vacation running half weeks, starting part time next week, and two weeks after that on the departure path into very, very scary territory. Aware of the troubles I’ve caused myself, I am selecting the demons carefully, management isn’t one that I’m willing to take on. Maybe when I’m a little older and don’t love hands-on problem solving so much. Can’t hold the management demon at the same time as the implementation / programming / creative demon.
It’s one or the other. Pick one – it’s unfair to yourself and everyone else to expect that there’s enough energy and attention to do both. That’s my view for the moment:)
There is much wisdom in your comment, Steve.
I’m still on both sides of this coin, I think in a different way than you are; but maybe it’s not different at all.
I *want* to develop people. I *want* to do something other than be the plumber/fix-it guy/”The Wolf” that gets called in when something has gone wrong in the LMS and no one else knows how to make it better. I am exceedingly excellent in this role, but I’ve been doing it for so long — and I keep yearning to move beyond it.
If an organizational leadership opportunity came my way, I would likely take it. I would be willing to leave the implementation/programming demon behind. You raise an interesting thought — can I let go of the creative idea demon? That one will be very hard, indeed. I love that part.
I can see, though, how it would conflict with the management demon. You’ve put this in a context that makes me think on this anew.
I don’t know if I can let it go. But I don’t know what I’d be grabbing onto, either. And the management demon, in my mind, has been so shiny…
Don’t get me wrong – I love to lead. Given the opportunity to train – I’ll jump at it, or to run a sales or analysis session, I’m there.
Management involves too much unpleasantness, uninteresting political implication (paperwork), and taking the good with the bad for my current tastes. Maybe my experience is unique, though I doubt it. As a manager, my primary job has been figuring out how to deal with difficult positions (skill deficiencies, lack of motivation, someone dropped the ball, the budget) and it comes from all sides and angles. I happen to know a place where a management position is opening up. Be wary of attack from all sides:)
I’m in the process of extending my network of ass kickers. I have found folks that share the skill of solution to be a rare commodity.
I see so much overlap in interests – I’d really dig having you in my network.
The politics….. groan….. it’s in front of me all the time, but I guess I forget about how much closer to the flame a manager is to it. Yet another nugget for me to chew on.
I would be happy to be in your network. I do enjoy kicking ass, as well as chewing gum.
“… and I’m all out of gum.”